We pulled quips that are sarcastic, short, cute — you name it — from our favorite celebrity moms for inspiration. Yep, even though they walk red carpets, they definitely know all about the good, the bad and the gross that comes with motherhood.
If you're looking for a saying for your mom, use one of these in in a card, in a toast or make it part of the perfect Mother's Day caption. Or, if you're a mom — new or seasoned — bask in the honesty of these quotations and know that even if it feels like it, you're really never alone in the highs and lows of mothering.
1 of 40
Nia Vardalos
Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.
2 of 40
Ann Hathaway
Hates it ... My son hates my singing voice ...
3 of 40
Adele
Parenting is f---ing hard.
4 of 40
Blake Livelyh
I'm one of five kids. My husband is one of four, so we're officially breeders.
5 of 40
Michelle Pfeifer
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.
6 of 40
Olivia Wild
First of all, you haven't seen your vagina in months, even though it's all her fault you're in this situation. Now that you can finally confirm that she is, in fact, still there, she isn't the gal that you remember, and would rather you back off and give her some space (and an ice diaper) for the time being, thank you very much.
7 of 40
Kerry Washington
I can be covered in spit up on a conference call while I'm pumping and that's okay, because this is my perfect. It may not be somebody else's, but this is mine.
8 of 40
Kelly Clarkson
Wine is necessary.
9 of 40
10 of 40
Mindy Kaling
Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.
11 of 40
Blake Lively
Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected, you never know when you're gonna get crapped on or when you're gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.
12 of 40
Amy Schumer
Does this baby make me look fat?
13 of 40
Ali Wong
A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby, OK? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poos.
14 of 40
Jennifer Lopez
I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had two, I literally apologized to all my friends.
15 of 40
Cardi B
I met my match. She is very demanding, like, I can't believe I have a boss. When my baby wanna eat, she wanna eat. It's not like, "Oh three minutes?" No. Give me the milk now.
Danielle Carson
16 of 40
Danielle Carson
17 of 40
Kristen Bell
Every day when you're raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream 'This is ridiculous!' because there's so much nonsense, whether it's what they're saying to you or the fact that there's avocado or poop on every surface.
Danielle Carson
18 of 40
Amy Poehler
Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future.
Danielle Carson
19 of 40
Emily Blunt
After we got home from the hospital, I didn't shower for a week, and then John and I were like, 'Let's go out for dinner.' I could last only about an hour because my boobs were exploding. When the milk first comes in, it's like a tsunami. But we went, just to prove to ourselves that we could feel normal for a second.
danielle carson
20 of 40
Nora Ephron
When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Danielle Carson
21 of 40
Christina Applegate
Sometimes I stand there going, 'I'm not doing any of this right!' And then I get this big man belch out of her and I go, 'Ah, we accomplished this together.'
Danielle Carson
22 of 40
Shonda Rhimes
Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn't sleep.
Danielle Carson
23 of 40
Tina Fey
Ah, babies. They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
Danielle Carson
24 of 40
Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Danielle Carson
25 of 40
Maya Rudolph
[Having four kids is] endless stuff. It's endless entertainment, it's endless stress, endless responsibility. Everyone's at different ages and levels, everyone's into different stuff. But everyone is into slime.
Danielle Carson
26 of 40
Eva Mendes
I've leaned that it's way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven't thrown up since the '90s and she's thrown up twice since we started this interview.
Danielle Carson
27 of 40
Chrissy Teigen
No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.
Danielle Carson
28 of 40
Alyson Hannigan
Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?
Danielle Carson
29 of 40
Rachel Dratch
Parenting Tip: Maybe don't leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.
Danielle Carson
30 of 40
Michelle Pfeiffer
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.
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